attains:

attains:

if i were a murderer i’d be the febreze murderer and lead my victims blindfolded to undisclosed locations and i’d ask them what they smelled and they’d be like “omg ocean air and tulips” and then i’d rip off the blindfold and it would be A PILE OF THE BODIES OF MY PREVIOUS VICTIMS

my mom made me go to a therapist because of this

I would be the “Rakeist” and throw all my victims in a pile of leaves.

(via flipflopsforelephants)

I found this when I was reading about Yahoo buying Tumblr and now I can’t stop laughing.

I have a lot of spiritual maturing before I’m ready to lead a family.

I’m about to enter a food coma #tdb

This one time when I was at a party, a guy came up behind me and whispered, “Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs.”